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Monday, September 26, 2011

Weird Fresno checks out the 5th Realm haunted attraction

If you've been reading this blog for a while now (and who hasn't?) then you know about this time for the past two years I've been harassed by the residents of a local Halloween haunt in Clovis at the Sierra Vista Mall. Knowing that the time was coming for them to open again I thought I'd get the jump on them and show up unannounced.

The newly christened 5th Realm, boasts five attractions this year. You have Delirium 3D, Slaughterhouse, Nocturnal, Insanitarium, and the ever lovely Epidemic.

Emboldened by the fact that I had the element of surprise on my visit, I walked up to the door. I should have known better as they were expecting me, they proceeded to shoving me right in the door and left me on my own. Remember how the two previous visits I had a guide? Yeah not this year. Apparently they were fed up with my guides lack of getting me killed and figured my own luck (or lack thereof) would do it.

I first started off in the Delirium 3D and of course all the clowns remembered me from last year (still have no idea how they know me by name and from this website, I never mentioned who I was) and harassed me throughout the entire venue. Let me just say this. If you have a fear of clowns or just don't like them, don't mention it to them. They feed off that and good luck getting through there without getting the shit scared out of you.

After that little ray of sunshine, I decided that it may be smarter if I was in a group (safety in numbers right?) and decided to tag along with a few people in front of me for the Slaughterhouse attraction. Now this one is entirely new and didn't know what to expect. The thing that honestly creeped me out the most was as we were walking through it, there was no music playing as with the other attractions. I don't know if this was deliberate or not, but it added to the creepy ambiance and this actually made the Slaughterhouse my favorite attraction.

Finally through that fun little nut house my new meat shields err friends and I decided to head to Nocturnal. I was a bit apprehensive about going here as I knew my guides from the previous years resided here and wouldn't be too happy to see me. If you watch the video I took, I run into a familiar looking face. But like most of the women I know she denies knowing me. Her loss. I taste yummy.

And after that jaunty little trip into hell, Team Weird Fresno (which I dubbed us) headed to the Insanitairum. Every year this is the one that creeps me out the most and even though Slaughterhouse was able to top the Insanitarium, they did a good job of throwing everything they could at me and actually had me jump at a certain point and scream.

So apparently Team Weird Fresno didn't last long (I think I was the David Lee Roth of the group and that led to the break up) and was forced to entire Epidemic by myself. Lovely. Usually I do have a penchant for zombies, but not when they are trying to eat me. Thankfully I was too quick for the shambling horde and was able to make it through the attraction relatively unscathed. That is until I ran into a zombie juggalo with a chainsaw at the end.

Thankfully I was able to get some video of the 5th Realm and compiled a bit of what the attractions are like. The video runs a bit over 6 minutes but gives you a good example of what to expect.

5th Realm is currently open on Friday and Saturdays, except the last full week of October when they will open on Sunday and Thursday as well. The next night they will be open is September 30. For ticket prices and other information can be found at their website

Also I was able to snag a few passes to the attraction. Keep your eyes open for a post later this week on how to win them.


Anonymous said...

5th realms sounds awesome, but im curious about Haunted Fresno, Its an attraction downtown, have you heard anything about it?

Michael said...

Haven't personally been to the Haunted Fresno attraction, but I may have to check it out.

Anonymous said...

There's a good reason why nobody's really heard of or been to Haunted Fresno... it's no good. The one at Sierra Vista is the best one around here.

Anonymous said...

I'm an actor at 5th Realm! I play the guy screaming "my leg!!!" in Epidemic! I'm actually missing my leg. That's why I have that role.

Anonymous said...

so im an actor at haunted fresno and we are worth to be checked out. we may not have as many rooms as them but we are more quality over quantity our actors are always on there game and stay in caracter all night, 5th realm is our competion so im not suprise if some talk down on us, but michael this would be your call come check us out this year i dare you and be the judge.

Unknown said...

Is this place still opened?